How to Train for Divorce

                                       It's just not meant to be...
                                     

        The woman sat at her kitchen table thoughtfully watching the news on her phone.   She glanced up as her husband entered the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee.  
                "Mornin' hon."  He said before taking a sip.
    
                She just grunted and turned away.

                Noticing this, he stands awkwardly holding his steaming coffee.  After a couple seconds he shrugs and begins putting a bagel in the toaster. 

                The woman takes a spoonful of her cereal and shoves it in her mouth.  While chewing she mumbles, 
               
                "It's not going to work."

               Her husband turns, looking at her quizzically.

                "Did you said something.  Is everything okay?"

                 She pushes the bowl away from her with exaggeration and mouths out every word  slowly like she's talking to a naughty child.

                "I said...it's not going to work! It's just not meant to be."

                As a married woman have you ever felt that way?  You felt like your husband didn't love you anymore.  Thing's weren't "working out."  Can things still work after the fire burned out?  After you feel like you don't love or even like your spouse anymore.

                               Stand the test of time

               Just giving a heads up.  This post is for un-married woman just as much as married woman.  It's never too early to learn about things like this.  

               "...The commitment that the two of you are about to make is the most important commitment that two people can make,  you are about to create something new, the marriage relationship, the entity that never ends.   As you stand here today are you now prepared to make this commitment to one another?  (I am)  Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?"  (I have)

               Recognize that?  That is a part of the marriage vow.  Read this slowly over again and ponder that.  This may sound brutal.  Does everybody really hear what the pastor is saying when he's reading this to the bride and groom?  He actually asks if they're ready for this kind of commitment.  He clearly explains that it is the most important vow that two people can make.  If you ask me,  I think people focus too much on the flowers,  gowns,  food,  dancing,  honey moon and so on.  

               Marriage isn't an exciting little get together.  It's serious.  More serious then we realize. 

                Let's see what commitment means.  It means...dedication,  allegiance,  devotion,  loyalty,  faithfulness,  duty and tie.

               Now let's see what entity means.  It means...being,  creature,  individual,  organism, and life form.  

               Now we'll see what vow and reservation means.   Vow means...Swear,  pledge,  promise,  oath,  bond, and guarantee.  And last is reservation.  Skepticism,  unease, hesitation and objection.

              Whoa.  This is kind of overwhelming to me.  If you put it plainly;  you are dedicating yourself to a man (individual) and swearing that you will be his and he will be yours and you're doing so without hesitation.

             I have to admit that I can understand how some people would say they would rather jump off a cliff then get married. 

             Marriage is supposed to be able to stand the test of time.  For better or for worse. In sickness and health.  Till death do we part.  

             How is that even possible?  How can two people stay together for so long?  You may be thinking.  Well,  what if I were to tell you that a large factor of the crumbling marriage or skepticism lies in your past.

                                 I have to practice!! 

         I have heard this from so many teenage girls in my community a couple years back.

        "You have to practice kissing and dating so when you get married you'll be able to kiss n' stuff really good!"

        Seriously?  That doesn't make any sense!!!  Dating is just about the only place where you should never practice kissing and all that stuff.

                           That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife,  and they become one flesh.
                                                    Genesis 2:24

       That verse talks about when a man leaves his immediate family (his parents)  and is joined with the woman who will be his family now, and they become one (sex).  Now tell me how can you practice becoming one with someone.  There is no practice required.  Only the world thinks its so.  The only thing you're really practicing for is ten different ways to tell someone "it's over."  

      If you had that mindset of practicing dating, this is what you would be saying if your actions came out as words.

                          "Do you know why I'm dating you?  It's only because I'm practicing for someone better.  Someone I actually want to spend the rest of my life with.  And I don't mean to sound mean but...that's not you."

    Oh man,  that would kill me!  How hurt on so many levels would you be to hear that?  The thing is our culture is screaming that.  Have as much fun as you can while you're still young.  And while you're doing that practice kissing and making out so when you actually find that nice family guy you'll be ready.  The only thing you're practicing is how to not stay with someone.

                                            It's not just you
                                                             

      

             Divorcing from your husband may only seem like it's affecting you.  That's not the case.  It affects acquaintances,  your  friends,  family and most of all your children.  Imagine how painful it is for a child to look through your wedding album and they see mommy and daddy happily and lovingly hold each other and then they turn to see they can't even stand being in the same room together!  What happened?

          The questions I would like to ask is...

           When you decided to get married was it genuinely because you unselfishly loved them and wanted to continue loving them.  Or was it because you were so physically into each other that you mistook it for love. 

          Now ladies.  All of us are born into a family.  God chose those parents and siblings for you because he had a purpose for it.  When you got angry at your family did you say,

          "I'm going to disown myself from this family because..."  

         I don't think anyone thought that way.  We would just say I'm running away but only reach the corner of the block or the front lawn, then feel bad and go back and apologize.  As children we knew that there wasn't a choice in leaving your family.  But, as we got older the world told us we had a choice.  

        Have you considered that part of the problem is you?  Now hear me out please.  All of us have sin, yes?  So all of us are prone to mess up sometimes.  When two people are married that's when they see the most cruel and kind sides of each other (just like family too).  

                         It was just before the Passover festival.   Jesus knew that the hour had come for Him to leave this world and go to the Father.  Having loved His own who was in the world,  He loved them to the end.  
                                                       John 13:1

         It says that Jesus loved his own.   The human side of Jesus  belonged in the world. That means Jesus, human and God sides, loved the world until He died (and He rose again three days later!).   What example is that for us?  God calls us to love Him with all our soul,  heart and mind and to love all people as well.  Are we doing that if we consider divorcing them just because of silly selfish reasons?  At some point in our lives we don't feel like we love our siblings,  parents,  friends, family members,  children and husbands.  Does that mean that you don't love them any more?  No!  Of course not.  Never base love solely off your emotions.  Base it off of God's standards.

      I challenge all the women young and old:

Those of you that are married look at your husband and make a list of why you married him in the first place.  Now make another list of why you want to stay married to him.  I would even suggest showing him.  Who knows what he'll say and how much it would touch him.

   Now those of you who are in a relationship with a man right now.  If you're engaged or of you know that your heading for marriage I want you to make a copy of the marriage vow and look over it.  Talk to God about it and talk to your soon-to-be-husband and discuss how you feel.

      If you're in a relationship with a guy and you don't know where it's going,  I suggest you seriously think about what your purpose is for that relationship.  Talk to God and your boyfriend.  Ask him where he wants the relationship to go.  If he doesn't really know,  think and talk about that with each other.

      Last but not least; the ladies who are single:  Wait on God to bring the right man for you.  Pray for your future husband and develop your relationship with Jesus.